After a flaky day with the bat, Australia launched a blistering counterattack on England shortly after stumps. “Stuart Broad’s an even bigger sook than I thought!” roared Movember-mouth David Warner, giving his kit bag an ominous boot. “Just as we got inside the rooms for lunch, I told him to ‘go kiss his dolly’. Man would he have cried like a girl if he’d heard that!”
Warner was so pumped by his aggressive post-match onslaught, he took a taxi straight to the nearest boozer and looked around for someone Joe Root’s size to punch.